Friendship or "friend" ship
In my daily wanderings, my mind often wanders quite far and needs a little verbalization to tell where exactly it has wandered to. Because of that I'm going to write, and since I think this is something I'd like to explore in Simon's character, I'm posting it here
SO...on with the show.
I have a friend. Wait, scratch that. I have a "friend". I've met them once, but spent quite a bit of time chatting with them through IM. When I told this person that I didn't consider them amongst my friends, because my friends are people I call, go out with, hang around, can count on, will still know or would at least be happy to talk to and remember in 20 yrs, this person didn't exactly get upset, but they said that they DID consider me a friend, and if I didn't feel the same they felt they had to censor themselves with me.
I feel weird about that.
I think it is primarily semantics, that we have no levels between "best friend", "friend", and "acquaintance" whereas there are huge leaps between each of those. I certainly care for and enjoy the company of many more people than I would consider amongst my friends, yet they don't make the semantic cut of friendship. To me, when I think of friends, I think they are the people who I would feel a gaping hole if they were cut out, and would be to some degree devastated if they died or I was separated from them. I would be sad for other "friends" and mourn their loss by separation or death, and those that I felt had the potentioal to be a true friend I would certainly feel a good deal of regret and grief over, but not the way I would if I lost a true friend.
The particular "friend" in question seems to have a broader range of people they consider friends, as I think most people do, and I wonder why it is that I am so selective with this semanticly, or if, in fact, there is actually a difference in how I feel as well.
All of this pondering led me to thinking not just of the loss of a friend, but to the possibility of the disolution of friendship. Most people who are within the broader range of "friends" and acquaintances could be easily parted with if for some reason I found that we were incapatible in some manner, or if something were done that made me no longer want to associate with that person. But people I count amongst my friends are more like family to me, in that I cannot think of how I would emotionally or mentally separate from my care for them. I have had instances in the past where someone for some reason decided to disassociate with me, and I found I was unable to feel the same way.
It is not that friends can do no wrong with me, it is more that they can do no wrong that will cause me to disassociate myself from them. I cannot DISOWN my true friends. No matter if we never talk again I will still love and care for them. If they committed the most awful things I might find it hard to forgive, and I would never fully forget, but I would have a difficult time rejecting them from my heart, no matter what my brain may tell me is reasonable...and I don't know if this is normal, or if it is rare, or if it is unique, but I know that some others don't feel the same and aren't made the same as me.
I know that there are people who can disown members of their family; that they can shut their heart off to people who have wronged them in some manner. I know there are people who can turn a friend into an enemy and a relative into a stranger. I just can't stop caring that easily, if at all...So maybe it's appropriate that I'm more selective when it comes to my friends, maybe without that i'd face too much hardship, or be too easily taken advantage of. Maybe it's not just semantics. I don't know.
SO...on with the show.
I have a friend. Wait, scratch that. I have a "friend". I've met them once, but spent quite a bit of time chatting with them through IM. When I told this person that I didn't consider them amongst my friends, because my friends are people I call, go out with, hang around, can count on, will still know or would at least be happy to talk to and remember in 20 yrs, this person didn't exactly get upset, but they said that they DID consider me a friend, and if I didn't feel the same they felt they had to censor themselves with me.
I feel weird about that.
I think it is primarily semantics, that we have no levels between "best friend", "friend", and "acquaintance" whereas there are huge leaps between each of those. I certainly care for and enjoy the company of many more people than I would consider amongst my friends, yet they don't make the semantic cut of friendship. To me, when I think of friends, I think they are the people who I would feel a gaping hole if they were cut out, and would be to some degree devastated if they died or I was separated from them. I would be sad for other "friends" and mourn their loss by separation or death, and those that I felt had the potentioal to be a true friend I would certainly feel a good deal of regret and grief over, but not the way I would if I lost a true friend.
The particular "friend" in question seems to have a broader range of people they consider friends, as I think most people do, and I wonder why it is that I am so selective with this semanticly, or if, in fact, there is actually a difference in how I feel as well.
All of this pondering led me to thinking not just of the loss of a friend, but to the possibility of the disolution of friendship. Most people who are within the broader range of "friends" and acquaintances could be easily parted with if for some reason I found that we were incapatible in some manner, or if something were done that made me no longer want to associate with that person. But people I count amongst my friends are more like family to me, in that I cannot think of how I would emotionally or mentally separate from my care for them. I have had instances in the past where someone for some reason decided to disassociate with me, and I found I was unable to feel the same way.
It is not that friends can do no wrong with me, it is more that they can do no wrong that will cause me to disassociate myself from them. I cannot DISOWN my true friends. No matter if we never talk again I will still love and care for them. If they committed the most awful things I might find it hard to forgive, and I would never fully forget, but I would have a difficult time rejecting them from my heart, no matter what my brain may tell me is reasonable...and I don't know if this is normal, or if it is rare, or if it is unique, but I know that some others don't feel the same and aren't made the same as me.
I know that there are people who can disown members of their family; that they can shut their heart off to people who have wronged them in some manner. I know there are people who can turn a friend into an enemy and a relative into a stranger. I just can't stop caring that easily, if at all...So maybe it's appropriate that I'm more selective when it comes to my friends, maybe without that i'd face too much hardship, or be too easily taken advantage of. Maybe it's not just semantics. I don't know.
posted by Valerie at 5:47 PM
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