Part of a pirate story

Once upon a ship there was a pirate. He was a good pirate, mean and cruel and full of greed, as all good pirates should be. He was also a very small pirate...only one and a half barrells tall. But he had good strong arms, good strong legs and was quite useful as a spy, decoy, or in getting into small areas.

This pirate's given name was Marcus, but everyone called him “Small Bottom.” Small Bottom sailed upon the feared pirate vessel “The Blue Death” where he served as a gunner, a cook, and a deck hand…. as well as the guy they called whenever anything rolled into that little crevice behind the winch that none of them could fit their hands into.

Small Bottom had been sailing aboard The Blue Death for nearly 5 years and was quite experienced with looting, pillaging, hostile takeovers, dispatching the men and deflowering the women, with sword play and dagger throwing, and with all the knowledge of sailing that comes with surviving hurricanes, typhoons, the captains mood swings, and tropical storms day-in and day-out for years on end. He was however, quite inexperienced when it came to matters of diplomacy and interaction in a non-hostile situation (as he himself would admit). Even his relationship with his crewmates was one based on anger, fear, distrust and greed.

So it was not at all suprising that when Small Bottom was accidently marooned in a small fishing port during a tea, gold and crumpets raid that he had a difficult time managing until the next ship came along. It was made somewhat less difficult due to people’s inherent desire to treat small people as a child, and allow them to get away with certain things, but that did not do enough to keep him out of trouble with the local authorities.

Once the authorities got word of the mischief and criminal activities of Small Bottom, they